The 'After' of Ever After...!

It’s the end of our ‘probation period’ says my husband. I couldn't agree more. Three months is a sufficient period to come out of your hibernated state. This is the time when the dust has finally settled, the rosy honeymoon days (as clichés call it) are over and the reality of a ‘routine’ has begun. The prelude of my ‘arranged marriage’ process is a story in itself, and someday I might document those chronicles. But for now I guess the after of ‘ever after’ excites me more.

And when I speak about the after of ‘ever after’, I couldn't help but start with the most discussed issue in the ‘before’ of ‘ever after’, “Do you know how to cook?”:-p During the ‘bridegroom selection’ process, any guy who asked me, if I would be okay with the fact of “cooking post marriage”, would be a subject of my wrong yet harsh judgment of being a male chauvinist, and sooner or later was struck off the probable list of grooms. Yes hard to believe but my husband never really asked me if I could cook, though I’m sure he hoped against hope, that I really could & did :-p. I was sure my culinary skills were well above bare survival standards, but in retrospect, I wonder if that was a valid reason to strike off those unfortunate bunch of boys or not :-p

I remember a parting but very strong advice given by my friend, “Just try to cook at home girl, that’s the key to a successful marriage.” I was surprised with these words, as they came from a fiercely independent girl, who has both, a handsome pay & a husband. Who has no regrets in having a maid cook all possible meals for both of them (these regrets are according to a clan of people whose sole motive in life is to uncover the various blunders of domestic irresponsibility, committed by the above mentioned breed of independent girls). Yet she told me about the importance of home cooked food, and about her little kitchen experiments. Having these words ringing in my ears, I came to a new land, to a new life, determined to find out what was all the fuss about ‘cooking’. Looks like I have quite a few kitchen anecdotes waiting for me -

A typical Indian mother makes sure her daughter knows how to make rotis, ‘basic’ sabjis, dal, chawal, etc etc. In other words, anything besides Maggi & Chai. So that when you get married & go to your husband’s place………………………….. (Do I need to elaborate further?) :-p I have one too. And she made sure of all the above. And here I am, married, at my husband’s place, cooking away to glory, garnering daily praises from him (a popular quote recites - enjoy while it lasts). Like any other newly married couple we eat out more often than I cook, and on more than a few lucky days, I also get a “I’ll cook today” from him (yes, I mentally keep reciting that quote). It’s all fine until then. But there are some days, when you cook together. And this is where it all begins.

When you cook together as a couple, it’s a discovery of sorts for both you & your spouse. One volunteers to assist while the other takes charge (needless to say most of the times the latter being the wife). Right from deciding the ingredients, to finalizing the recipe, to the actual preparation, it’s a ping-ponged activity among the two. The assistant doubts every step of the procedure. Even an insignificant thing like what kind of a ladle to use could be a suspicious aspect. And with equal élan, the one taking charge displays her/his culinary prowess. With a lot of ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘see I told you looks’, somehow something visibly edible materializes. If it’s good to taste, voila you have success. If it’s not, well the trash bin looks happy to see a new entrant :-p But above all, it boils down to this one definite sense of achievement, to cruise through a journey full of hassles, for this one little kitchen experiment.

But I think there’s more to this than just being a little kitchen stint. With this, I see a stark difference in my thought process of pre & post phases of marriage. Earlier I thought cooking together is an act that makes both husband & wife as equals, as both take equal efforts together to achieve a common goal. But now I know it’s a myth. It’s an act that secretly shines the better cook among the two :-p Earlier I thought cooking is fun. No doubt it is, as the better cook among the two can laugh her/his guts out at the errors done by the other. But now she/he can do that only in her/his mind. Earlier I thought any kitchen mishaps would be solely mine, but now I know that I have a partner in crime & a puppy face to get away with :-p

It’s fascinating how quickly you acclimatize yourself to some tiny yet noteworthy changes, post marriage. You know what is in store for you, yet with every new discovery you get amazed. You know it might be stressful to work together, yet you wait to experience the charm of the achievement. You know you are going to shine even in the next kitchen experiment, yet you want to see the innocence of it all. You know that every second person in this world feels the same way about being newly married, yet you can’t wait to narrate the experiences of your own little bubble of ‘happily ever after’ :-)